I got off of work on Sunday will all the intensions of building up and nice shiny ghey set of mountain bike wheels. So maybe not brand new since I am using my DT240 hubs for the simple reason that they still rock and also because I have not broken them yet. Which wasn't the case for the Kings that are awaiting servicing from a man. More on the new wheels when they are built. But Sunday evening found me doing other things
Whats this you say he is complaining school beating his free time into non existance yet he is building up a new set of ghey wheels? Shouldn't he ride a bike first and regain the very low level of fitness that he once clutched to the day he won Winghaven? Ah good reader you are right in you assumption but your lack of knowledge is what makes you the reader and me the writer of this boring and unimportant tale. Sunday was my longest ride ever. By ever I mean this year. I 2hours and 30 or so min later I found myself gasping for breath in the dark as i rolled down my driveway with 39 miles under my lycra tights. I would like the thank the XTRDr for helping my make the desision to go ride instead of build up my wheels and for the soap on a rope it makes removal of said soap much easier.
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PODIUM BITCHES!
ReplyDeleteSt. Charles County Gravel Adventure on a Tuesday
It turned out to be rather windy today. I parked my vehicle at Creve Coeur Lake and set off on my hill-bike for an adventure. I was rather well equipped- on my person / in my handlebar bag I had the following: 3 H20 bottles of red gatorade cut with a bit of water (2 on the bike and 1 in my jersey pocket), 4 secret homemade burritos, extra tube, pump and a fairly comprehensive set of bike tools. I was running 700 x 44 WTB MutanoRaptor 29er tires front and rear and the Kula was geared 36x18 and sporting a rigid carbon fork.
It was 10:50am when I departed, the weather was mostly sunny and the temperature was well on its way towards today's high of 47. From CC lake I rode the connector trail over the newly constructed commuter bridge and then over the Missouri River to the Katy Trail. I turned west on the Katy and immediately looked for the first MM sign, it read "43." For approx 10 miles I rode west, eventually passing under the HWY 40 / Boone Bridge. .5 miles past the bridge I made a right-hand turn off of the Katy onto a newly-paved pedestrian path. I had passed this area several times before and wondered where this fancy path off into the woods winds its way to. Two days earlier my buddy Christian Stitz led me and some others up that path during a similar ride so I actually knew what I was doing.
The fancy path winds upward along side a truly serene babbling brook complete with multiple waterfalls and other pleasing features. The path rolls over finely constructed bridges spanning the creek several times as it gently wanders upward. What a [i]nice[/i] little nature-zone here, way to go Missouri! Quickly the mood changes as the scenery does, the path reveals with a putrid odor what is the true feeder source of this serene creek...It's a water treatment plant! The flowing water is treated sewer water...atta' boy Missouri!
The path leads to a road which eventually dumps you into the back of Missouri Research Park, located at the intersection of HWY 40 and HWY 94. I followed the road towards the entrance of the research park and made a left into an oddly placed subdivision, I believe it was called Weldon Springs Acres. At the end of the first cul de sac on your right is the entrance to a dirt road, gated with a chain and padlock yet not private. The chain is there to prohibit vehicular traffic. Bike on the shoulder, I'm over the chain and following the dirt road (which heads west, parallel to HWY 94) until it cuts sharply right across HWY 94 into the Busch Wildlife Preserve. The gravel is nice and wide in Busch Wildlife, it is a great place to fart around for a few miles. I stayed for some time, but after a while I exited the Busch preserve and hooked up with the Hamburg Trail, aka "The Hamburgler." Past The Mound I pedaled, following The Hamburgler until it was time to drop into Lost Valley. MAN I THINK ITS FUN TO DROP INTO LOST VALLEY, so I did and then immediately climbed the ensuing fire-road uphill. Too bad the single-track was sloppy, otherwise I might of had some real fun. I made a left onto the central fire road and screamed down the descent with confidence on my MutanoRaptors- sweet tires for sure.
After exiting Lost Valley and crossing HWY 94 I was back on The Katy Trail, now at MM 57. West I pedaled into the breeze, taking some time to practice eating while on the bike. I rode the Katy through Defiance, MO and then past Matson, MO and the Daniel Boone Judgement Tree Memorial Shrine. I ALWAYS look over and give props to the Judgement Tree when I ride past it - it is such a strange monument and it must be even stranger that I have respect for it. Soon after I pass the weird tree site it is time to leave the Katy once again- I make a right hand turn onto Terry Rd. There is no better word to describe Terry Rd than "Awesome." It has fresh gravel (just so you know) and as each crank revolution sinks your tires down through the fresh layer towards traction you cant help but think it has somehow gotten steeper since the last time you visited. Slogging upward, one is uniquely thankful when the dirt changes to asphalt and the fierce rollers of Terry Rd. intersect Duke Rd.
I made a left on Duke and rode the smooth pavement .5 miles and turned right onto Schlursburg Rd. The view from Schlursburg Rd. is totally amazing right now, there are no leaves on the trees to block out the valley below. After maybe 2 miles, I turned left onto a steep gravel road (no name) that drops into the valley past an old B&B and then a vineyard. As the road bottoms out it winds past the lake and farmhouse you were just admiring from the ridge-line. The dirt road ended at HWY 94, where I turned left to head east. I rode for only a 1/4 mile before I made another left and ended up back on Schlursburg Rd, only this time I was looking up. It was a very tough road climb, conquerable only with superior attitude and superior state of mind.
At the top of Schlursburg I turned right on Duke and pedaled on the smooth pavement rollers east past Terry Rd. for several miles. I passed Matson Hill Rd. on my right and soon after Matson Hill Park on my left. I continued east on Duke Rd. until it came to a "T" and turned right / south onto Howell Rd. and rode on for a few more miles until it ended at HWY 94. I turned left / east onto HWY 94 and cautiously rode a 1/4 mile until I was able to hook back up with the Katy Trail in Defiance. Now I was at Katy Trail MM 60 or so, heading east to the 364 / Page bridge at MM 43. Uh oh, 17 miles of Katy Trail boredom lay before me...I am very pleased that my Ipod was loaded and fully charged when I departed this morning. During the trip eastward I did spot a Mesa Cycles road ride heading the opposite direction on Greens Bottom Rd, surely on their way towards crushing all opposition that lay before them. 69.96 miles in 5 hours 11 minutes total ride time. Who wants to go next time?
Longest post ever Nico
ReplyDeleteTechnically, that was a comment. The Doctor is the only one who "posts" here.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I am about to take my awesome morning poop. Once coffee touched my lips, it's all over!
What a harrowing tale of danger and suspense from Mr. Nico Toscani, of Team Seagal fame. I will certainly be joining you on next said adventure. Perhaps this Sunday? Interesting. You sir are an inspiration to us all and a god among men.
ReplyDeleteFirst some business: COACH, IF YOU ARE OUT THERE, I would like to take today off instead of friday if that is possible. My dog desperately needs a bath, and it's warm enough to give her one today. I am without any means of communication other than the intertubes at this time. Leave me a comment. BTW I like that you corrected Robort. Nico simply left us a long and amazing comment. Not a post. If he were to leave a post he would be hijacking my website as I have Robort's, and why would he do such a thing? nonsense.
I am glad that Robort decided, rather than build wheels for a bike he has not yet huffed jenkem to earn the money for, to go for a ride instead. Apparently Robort hates window panes for some reason, and has soap on a rope lodged somewhere that requires him to use the rope to retrieve it rather than to hang it handily from the shower head. In spite of that he managed to get 40 more miles bringing the Robort mileage counter to 80. Then Robort Jenkem Fund counter is at $203 US. Gee, we're still winning, hmmmm. Get that frame ordered yet Robort?
I think in hopes of going for a nice longer ride on Sunday, along with my commuting to work friday and saturday I will take today off. I am not sure what exactly my mileage counter for the year is at the moment. I need to add my last few rides to figure it up. I think I am quite handily beating the Robort Jenkem fund several times over, but it isn't too late to make your contribution.
The warm weather is bringing out all sorts of people on all sorts of bikes. I have seen some strange sights in the past two days. It seems that the early Specialized Hardrocks are the most popular bikes ever produced. I saw no less than ten middle aged men awheel on such bicycles during my travels yesterday alone. It seems that the owners of these bikes prefer live dangerously and ride on the sidewalk, wearing giant 1985 brainbuckets so brittle that they flake apart in the wind. I feel that most of them are probably all jacked up on mountain dew and amphetamines, which explains their reckless, life on the edge behavior. I will stick to Monstor and chinaman herbs. And PCP.
Stay hard.
What a harrowing tale of danger and suspense from Mr. Nico Toscani, of Team Seagal fame. I will certainly be joining you on next said adventure. Perhaps this Sunday? Interesting. You sir are an inspiration to us all and a god among men.
ReplyDeleteFirst some business: COACH, IF YOU ARE OUT THERE, I would like to take today off instead of friday if that is possible. My dog desperately needs a bath, and it's warm enough to give her one today. I am without any means of communication other than the intertubes at this time. Leave me a comment. BTW I like that you corrected Robort. Nico simply left us a long and amazing comment. Not a post. If he were to leave a post he would be hijacking my website as I have Robort's, and why would he do such a thing? nonsense.
I am glad that Robort decided, rather than build wheels for a bike he has not yet huffed jenkem to earn the money for, to go for a ride instead. Apparently Robort hates window panes for some reason, and has soap on a rope lodged somewhere that requires him to use the rope to retrieve it rather than to hang it handily from the shower head. In spite of that he managed to get 40 more miles bringing the Robort mileage counter to 80. Then Robort Jenkem Fund counter is at $203 US. Gee, we're still winning, hmmmm. Get that frame ordered yet Robort?
I think in hopes of going for a nice longer ride on Sunday, along with my commuting to work friday and saturday I will take today off. I am not sure what exactly my mileage counter for the year is at the moment. I need to add my last few rides to figure it up. I think I am quite handily beating the Robort Jenkem fund several times over, but it isn't too late to make your contribution.
The warm weather is bringing out all sorts of people on all sorts of bikes. I have seen some strange sights in the past two days. It seems that the early Specialized Hardrocks are the most popular bikes ever produced. I saw no less than ten middle aged men awheel on such bicycles during my travels yesterday alone. It seems that the owners of these bikes prefer live dangerously and ride on the sidewalk, wearing giant 1985 brainbuckets so brittle that they flake apart in the wind. I feel that most of them are probably all jacked up on mountain dew and amphetamines, which explains their reckless, life on the edge behavior. I will stick to Monstor and chinaman herbs. And PCP.
Stay hard.
Further proof I am not too good with computators. I accidentally put that last post up twice somehow. At least I can still spell better than Robort, although so can most people. This is also further proof that you don't have to be to good with computers to change the way we use the internet. My series of tubes within the larger series of tubes that are the interwebs is quite revolutionary indeed.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that I will finally be able to go hill biking on sunday, at Council bluff of all places. I think a couple of rim wrecker laps are in order to prepare for said upcoming race, which is going to be amazing, I just know it. With Bone Bender just before it, and possibly Quachita if things do not work out for Gino Fellino, of Team Seagal fame. While I wish Gino the best, that is a really fun race. Arkansas has some amazing riding. I would like to do Syllamo sometime but I won't be able to this year. Single speed worlds in Durango is going to more than make up for it I think. Holy shit the season is here.
Sex while on jenkem. Think about it.
ReplyDeleteSex on jenkem!!!! Holy shit you just blew my fucking mind. I am sure that if we poke around enough we can find some japanese porn site that already has footage of this. Hit the butthash right as you are about to come. It will blow your mind. There would be jenkem orgies, with bottles and bottles all over the place. Man it would taste like shit in there. Can you huff jenkem off a stripper's ass. The new leading cause of stripper aids, jenkem orgies.
ReplyDeleteGood day ladies and gents. I have many things to impart to you, my loyal readers, so lets get started.
ReplyDeleteThis past week has marked the return of mountain biking season. Beginning with Coach Ryback's amazing Wed. Council Bluff trip with some local mtb legends, followed up by an excursion to the CB by yours truly and other Team Seagalions. On top of this, yesterday was the first Chubb monday that involved going to Chubb in months. Truly amazing developments. The rest of this week is looking pretty baller as well. With last weeks CB Wed. crew plus Nicorn going out for some Rim Wrecker recon, followed by Nicorn and yours truly snapping the wrist of Middlefork, in it's entirety, on Thurs. This is all great timing to get in some hill biking before the season gets going. March and the early part of April are packed with MTB events, Bone bender, Rim Wrecker, Lost Valley, and possibly Quachita. Holy shit.
Speaking of shit, King Furby agreed to donate to the Robort Jenkem Bender Fund. He didn't specify an amount, so we'll put him down for $10 US. Both of our friendly neighborhood Army recruiters have also contributed $10 US. each. This brings the total to $233 US. It is getting to close I can taste it. Well, not really, that would be gross. It has also come to my attention that different cycling teams have different techniques for ingesting the sacred vapors. The double DB's (Dave and Drewballs) prefer the head over bucket towel over head method, like you put your head over steaming water with a towel over to clear your sinuses. Why not clear your mind in the same manner, substitute fermented shit for hot water. This will forever be known as the Mesa method. We here at Team Seagal, prefer a more traditional 2-liter bottle and balloon set up. This will be known as the Seagal method. If your cycling team has their own method let us know as we are all always looking for new ways to do our sacrament.
Keep a close eye on your wrists at Bone Bender lest they be snapped to pieces.
That was daves idea. My idea was to:
ReplyDelete1)Remove balloon from the top of the bottle, while being careful to keep the bottle pointed at your face to collect the escaping methane. (eye protection my be prefered during this step of the process.)
2)pour the fermented Jenkem out onto a dirty rag liberaly. The more solids on the rage the better.
3) Place the rag on your face, being sure to cover both your mouth and nose with the effected area of the rag.
4)Take several DEEP breaths. At this point one can also jump up and down on the bed, or any other preferred activity to increas ones heart rate. This step should last for atleast 30 sec.
5) Indulge in the sweet release of Jenkem, and forget about lifes problems for a while.
You can refer to this as the "modified MESA method" from now on.
Drew's method most certainly deserves to be named after him. It will from now forward be known as the Drewballs method. We don't have a bed at the shop, so I am jumping up and down on the work bench and it is awesome. Oh I will say this, eye protection other than orange is for pussies.
ReplyDeleteThis week has been an amazing one for people who are not pussies, such as Nico Toscani of Team Seagal fame, and yours truly. While others have been frightened by the sloppy trail conditions of late, Toscani and I tempted fate and pressed onward towards the trail head of the Middlefork section of the Ozark Trail. What we found there was nothing short of a miracle. Energor rewarded our perseverance with absolutely 100% perfect trail conditions. Energor rewards those who have faith. We got out of the car in a jenkem/chinaman haze and unleashed a powerful methane fueled onslaught of single speed domination of the hills that lay before us. We had to prove to Energor that we were worthy of these glorious conditions, and that we did. Middlefork is really an amazing stretch of trail. The climbs are long and grinding, but the descents are among the longest and flowiest singletrack in Missourah. Holy shit.
Robort seems to have gone MIA. Maybe the whole girlfriend thing is real, which I have to say is hard to believe. She has to be a mail order bride or something. Either way, she is a bad influence on Robort. He put in about 80 miles that I know of, and then fell of the face of the earth. Maybe he is out riding with all this time. Somehow I think that sadly, that is not the case. Time will tell.
Until then, get your ass outside.
Stay hard.
No, he's doing homework.
ReplyDeletehopefully, he's studying up on the most effective way to huff the sweet stank know as the "fruit from crack pipe."
ReplyDelete"fruit from crack pipe."
ReplyDeleteI can't read that w/o laughing. Man RobORT is gonna get super duper high! Bridget...must be RoBORT's new Blogger "handle"!?! Nice try RobORT.