Yesterday at 4:15pm I got on the road bike and embarked on a nice little lollie (you wish matt). So whoever was the closest to February 16th wins the all of the money that I am sure was bet on how long I would complain about not riding and finally man up.
It seriously hurt. 23miles at just over a 14mph pace through some of the jefferson county hills. It was no 93mile death march on the major summits of west county but it damn near killed me. It was more like a French asualt during WW2, I just couldn't raise the white flag fast enough. However, inspired by the XTRDr I am planning a smalled flatter ride from school today. Be prepared to whitness a Robortion this season it will be brutal.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Dude, I think you need to slow down your increasing rate of posting, as you are certainly exceeding your seemingly self-imposed tri-yearly post limit.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, this morning AND last night I took TWO way-above-normal poops. I mean, they were teh types where I felt lighter on my feet afterwords. Two in a row is a little weird, but I guess with the huge amount of waffles that I ate this morning, I had to make room for it somehow.
What an amazing day. I just got a bunch of fancy ass bike parts in the mail, Robort comes in with another mind blowing title, and, thank Energor, teh poles have clothes on. Robort and I may differ on this one, but I for one do not want to see any naked poles.
ReplyDeleteRobort's title struck me as odd for several reasons. It appears that Robort is under the impression, that Coach wishes that Robort were having sexual relations with an underage girl, or lollie in the pervert world. Secondly, it appears that Robort thinks there is money floating around waiting to see when he starts riding again. In a perfect world that may be the case, but not in this reality. The money is for you to huff shit Robort, lets not forget whats important here. If I got paid more maybe I would have money to bet on that one, but I don't. So I put it in the Jenkem Bender fund.
On that note, it is good to see that Robort dusted off the only bike he owns that isn't broken, manned up a bit, and threw an atrophied leg over the bike. Let your painful return remind you that it is easier if you just keep doing it, and hopefully prevent you from taking such a long hiatus in the future. Maybe one of these days you will be able to grow a mustache.
My mustache is feeling rather worn after the past week or so. After Mon/tuesday's beer century I took tuesday evening and wednesday off. I got 23 miles with Steve on thurs. 34 miles fri, 34 on sat, 83 of the hardest miles evar on sun, 53 miles on mon, and 17 so far for today. that makes about 365 miles since last mon. Why would one do such a thing? I have no idea. I do know that sitting down with my feet up feels pretty good. Sleeping also feels pretty good, as does eating large amounts. I think I might have a problem.
Another shitty slow ride 17miles at 16.3 average total time just over a hour
ReplyDeleteWTF? Robort has ridden his bike twice in the past week for total of around 40 miles. I nevar thought the day would come. He is well on his way to 100 miles. Not only that, but somehow he found time to write as many titles for my website in that same period of time. This raises the question: If Robort allegedly has a girlfriend, where is he getting all this free time. With work, riding 40 miles, all this computating that he has been doing he would barely have time to sleep, let alone have a girlfriend. I am a man of dangerously few responsibilities, most of which I can get out of pretty easily if the need arises (i.e. I want to ride me bike.) I still have a hard time finding time to ride and do everything else I am supposed to do, so most of the time I just ride. For the most part Mrs XTRDA9DR is ok with this, although every now and again she gets a little upset when my riding cuts into the time we spend together, so how is Robort, with all the shit that he is supposedly up to, find time for a girlfriend. I still don't buy it, and you, my loyal readers shouldn't either.
ReplyDeleteMoving on, some sweeeet velocity rims are on the way for the cross bike, which will make it a completely seperate entity. I should be able to pay for said cross bike, and get the MTB built and ready for the Bone Bender endurance race coming up mid march. It is going to be mind blowing. I have never ridden the course, but I hear it is one of the nicest trails in the area. I am just ready for the season to start. I have been on the road bike almost exclusively so far this year. I think I have 4 or 5 chubb laps for the year. Hopefully I get some time on the hill bike before the race a little bit.
I also hope my sinuses don't feel like shit in the morning. I didn't even go to work today (well, I guess that isn't that unusual for me this time of year) It feels like allergies, which is somewhat strange. I never had allergies till I moved to this place. The first couple of years I got horrible sinus infections and bronchitis. The symptoms gradually decreased over the years to the point of being non-existent last year. Hopefully this is just some one day bug. Getting sick now would be a couple of steps backward. Fluids, rest and masturbation exercises should sharpen my immune system and my mind and get me back on the bike by morning.
Robort mileage counter: 40
Jenkem Bender Fund counter: 200
Look who's winning.
I think that any time there are masturbation exercises, we all win. It's a victim-less crime, like punching someone in the dark.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to increase my commitment to the Robort Jenkem Fund by $1.
Robort Jenkem Fund: $201
Good day to you, my loyal readers. I am terribly sorry for the drop off in the frequency of my posts. I mentioned in my last post that I felt like I had allergies. I was indeed having an allergic reaction, but not to pollen or any of the normal allergens. It appears that I was bitten by some sort of spider, which caused me to feel pretty horrible for most of the week. Today I woke up able to breathe through my nose, which I have not been able to do since tuesday, and I felt good on the bike coming in to work today.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, a lot of note worthy things have come to my attention in the past few days. Firstly I would like to congratulate Coach Ryback on donating another dollar to the Robort Jenkem Bender Fund. Every little bit counts, and as such I am matching Coach's dollar and raising him one, taking the fund to $203 US dollars.
In other Robort related news, it appears that he has paid Shankle, a former TC Man man, to help reinforce the idea that Robort has a girlfriend. He claims to have hung out with her, that she actually touched Robort, and perhaps most shockingly that she is 24. The idea that she is even close to 18 let alone 6 years older is just ridiculous. Everyone knows that Robort is somewhat of a pedophile (I believe this may be due to his stint in the Boy Scouts), and that there is no way he would have any interest in a girl that is his own age. The whole thing has just gone too far. I am not sure how can afford to pay Shankle to go along with this nonsense. I do know this, I am glad he did it. That is that much less money in Robort's pocket which puts him that much closer to needing, oh I don't know, $203 US dollars maybe. This will all come to a head pretty soon and then we will be victorious, it's only a matter of time.
Another reading from the book of Penesis.
ReplyDeleteAnd Energor planted a garden eastward in Zambia; and there he put the street children he had formed. 2:9 And out of the 2 liter bottle made Energor to ferment into every balloon that is pleasant to the nose, and good for huffing; the balloon of fermentation also in the midst of the garden, and the jenkem bottle of pee and poo. 2:10 And a river went out of Zambia to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became sewage to be used in thine fermentation process. Amen.
Another passage from the Book of Penises from Coach. If you're not moved by this particular passage, then you obviously have no soul, and will never taste of the balloon of Energor. Robort is going to taste the balloon, very soon I have a feeling.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of tasting the balloon, we are trying to come up with more ways to eliminate any unpleasant aftertaste that may be involved with huffing jenkem. So far we have come up with putting mints in one of the bottles, spraying air freshener in the balloon before it is affixed to the top of the bottle, trying to season it up, you know, garlic, shallots, maybe some cumin. (not that kind Robort) Although we are unsure what effect each of these methods would have on the high. Hopefully Robort gets addicted and we can experiment a little. I wonder if it will make him vulnerable to suggestion. We could get him really high and have him rob a bank and give us the money, harmless things like that. We shall soon see.
Last I saw Robort, he was on his way to go ride his bike. I wonder how that went for him. I am finally feeling good on the bike. Most of the snot has exited my head and my lungs don't burn when I breathe any more. All good things. Unless Robort busted out 150 mile ride the jenkem fund is still winning. No new contributions to date, but I assure you there will be more.
Energor has seen fit to punish us with shitty trail conditions for the past month and half or so. You can only ride when it is frozen, which isn't very often anymore, that is unless you are a total piece of shit who doesn't care what happens to your trails. The only thing we can do is to study the Book of Penises, keep our thoughts pure and full of jenkem, and pray that Energor will soon end this plague by causing plants to grow and drink all the fucking water.
Until then may your bottle be full, and thine vapors pure. Energor be with you.
Fuck you.